If You Could Choose Just One Thing to Be an Expert at, What Would It Be?

In a recent post of hers, my sister and business partner Melinda Batchelor blogged about the idea of putting 10,000 hours of deliberate practice into something in order to become an expert at it. She talked about how this concept has really thrown her for a loop and caused her to re-evaluate how she is living her life and running her business. (It's a great blog post. I recommend that you take a minute to read it.) I have had many of the same revolutionary thoughts about my life based on this concept. In fact, it has really turned my world upside down for these last few days, and I've realized some things about myself. I want to be great at everything, not just one thing. I've compared it to a computer game I used to play years ago called Dungeon Siege. In the game, you can develop your character's skills in either magic or in a particular weapon. Choosing to focus on just one would allow you to become really powerful in that area but stay perpetually weak in the other area you didn't focus on. As a result, I could not bring myself to let go of either area. I would just keep trying to develop both areas, and I did--to some extent. But in the end I would have mediocre power in both skills, and my character would be nothing special in terms of attack. My weaker attacks would make it harder to kill the monsters, which made it more likely that I would die.

What I'm finding is that I do the same thing in my real life. Take my business, for instance. I am currently playing the role of Chi Running instructor and health coach and energy coach, with plans to add even more to my list of titles down the road. And the thing is I love doing all of these things. But I'm finally being forced to acknowledge what has been in the back of my mind for at least the past year: I can't be an expert at all of these things. So I find myself at a crossroads. Do I continue on, attempting to continue strong in all disciplines, or do I let go of some things so that I can become a master in one area? I believe the right path for me is to let go, but I'm having a really hard time with it, as if I'm having to let go of a planned-for child. And as a result, I can't decide what to focus on. There are so many reasons to choose or not choose each area (not to mention the other areas of interest that I haven't even mentioned), but I want to choose the one that I am most passionate about, regardless of what seems like the "logical" choice. I want to choose the one that will leave me with the fewest regrets at the end of my life. And so far I can't bring myself to do that because it seems so final, like the end of the others' lives, or at least the end of my dreams of becoming a world-renowned expert in all of those areas.

So here is my plan. I am going to take my list of finalists and choose just one to focus on for a whole month. At the end of that month, I will evaluate how dedicated I was to studying, if I had to force myself to sit down and study it or did I look forward to it, and whether I eventually got bored with it and wanted to do something else vs. being excited enough about what I was learning to want to continue. This experiment might not give me the straight answer I'm hoping for, but it will at least be a start. And thankfully, I don't have to decide tomorrow.

Through this whole emotional upheaval, I did realize right away that there is one thing that I am sure I want to become an expert at, and that is being a wife and mother. I care more about that than any of those other things. I spend so much time interacting with my family, though, that I feel certain that I can improve a lot in this area if I just make that time I'm with them deliberate--study the scriptures or a pertinent book for a short time each day and then spend the time I'm with my kids working on what I've been studying about. Whatever other path I choose will always be secondary to that. And that plan, at least, fills me with joy.

Sleep--Is It Really a Big Deal?

My entire life I have had people telling me that sleep is essential for good health. Some have even cited sleep as one of the key factors to optimal health. However, as a former sleep-deprived college student and a current mother of four young children (no point in putting "sleep-deprived" as an adjective here since it is synonymous with "mother of young children"), I can attest to the fact that I have survived on less-than-ideal amounts of sleep for literally years now, and I still consider myself to be in excellent health. Despite that, there is this nagging voice in the back of my head asking me just how optimal my health is and what my quality of life has been like during those years. It's true that I have survived the last 10 years of motherhood on very little sleep. But is that all I'm aiming for? To survive?

I am starting to see a pattern develop with my mood swings. While there are undoubtedly other factors involved, I have definitely noticed that my worst moods are directly correlated with less sleep. In other words, the more sleep-deprived I am, the more depressed I am. And moody. And impatient. And pessimistic. And mean. And angry. Those are exactly the things I am actively working to change or to overcome in myself. But for some reason I have not looked my sleep patterns squarely in the eye as a possible culprit. Why? Maybe because I feel like I don't have enough time as it is. Maybe because I use late nights to escape when things are getting too hard or too busy in my life. Maybe because sleep is the easiest thing to cut out when there's a lot to do. But then again, maybe these issues wouldn't be issues if I were getting enough sleep.

It's time to stop avoiding the issue, though. I'm sick of merely "surviving." I want to actually start living. I want to have the energy and the patience and the light-heartedness that will allow me to actually enjoy my life and enjoy being with and playing with my children. Will sleep give me those things? I don't know. But I'm determined to find out. For the next month I am setting a goal to get to bed by 9:00 every night. That will be tough for me. I know that will mean leaving the dishes undone or that load of laundry unfolded sometimes. (Who am I kidding? It's left unfolded most of the time anyway.) I know it will mean thinking out of the box when it comes to date nights with my husband or girls nights with my friends. And I know not to expect 100%. But if I can do it even 90% of the time, I have a strong suspicion that my life will change completely. And frankly, as I write this from a totally sleep-deprived state, I am excited to see what my

new life looks like.

Plateaus

Getting fit is hard work! Anybody who tries to tell you that it's easy is either lying through their teeth or has

never truly tried to do it before. Or they're selling you some diet pill that down the road will turn out to cause cancer or heart damage or both. The first two months of the year I worked my tail off, both in the exercise arena as well as the nutrition arena. I was pushing myself hard and being very vigilant about what I ate. And it was hard. It's hard to decide every day that you're going to get up and work out even if your 4-year-old was in your room at 1 in the morning asking for water and then you couldn't get back to sleep for the next three hours. It's hard to pass up that brownie 9 times out of 10 (don't want to put myself into deprivation mode after all) and take the time to make a healthy meal as often as possible even though you know your kids are going to whine about it--again. So it's not terribly surprising to me that I've slacked off somewhat these past 2 weeks. My eating has really gone downhill--lots of treats, not enough vegetables. My exercise has been mediocre at best--I'm still doing it (most days) but I'm not putting quite as much effort into it as I was before. And I'm "escaping" more often, which means getting to bed way too late and waking up too tired to exercise or even to look forward to the new day.

And my weight has stopped dropping. Shocker, right? I lost a total of 11 pounds in the first two months of the year--11!--and now I am fluctuating between the same 2 or 3 pounds, unable to break through the 140 barrier into the 130s. I have officially hit a plateau. However, instead of whining about how I can't seem to lose weight, I am choosing to look at things as they really are. I have been a big slacker these 2 weeks, and it's absolutely no surprise to me that my weight has not continued to drop. It's disappointing, perhaps, that I can't lose weight without working; but not surprising.

I've been thinking today about what a plateau really is. If I were hiking up a steep mountain and part-way up I came to a plateau, I'm sure I would be happy and relieved to be there. The ground is flat, after all, which means less work and a chance to rest a little before I continue the upward climb. However, if the ground stays flat forever, I will never reach my destination. One way or another, the only way to get to the peak is to go up. And as nice of a reprieve as the plateaus are, the more there are, the longer it will take me to reach the summit. Seeing it from this perspective, I am recognizing that plateaus are actually an important part of my progress toward my goal. I do need a chance to rest a little after working so hard. But I don't want to stay here too long because that goal is still calling.

This little analogy is helping me to not beat myself up about these lazy last 2 weeks. Perhaps they are just what I needed to give me time to rest and find renewed motivation and dedication to my goal. And I do feel motivated again. I feel excited to keep moving forward, more excited than I have in weeks, actually. Hopefully the next plateau will not come for at least another 2 months. And when it does come (which I recognize now will be a good thing), I will take that time to relax and renew so that I can be even stronger once I start heading uphill again. Forward, march!

The Source of the Fear

Some time ago I had a bit of an epiphany, one that has really made a difference in my way of thinking (except for those days that I forget to remember it). At the time, I was listening to a lecture in which the speaker pointed out that it is crazy that we as a society judge the worth of a person by what they look like on the outside. The more I thought about that, the more I realized how true that is. Why does how much I weigh or how attractive I am have anything to do with who I am or how worthy of love I am? It doesn't really, but if I spend my life thinking that it is true, then I live in constant fear--fear of what other people think of me, fear of being too fat for people to like me, fear of gaining weight when I am thin, fear of never being able to lose weight when I am not thin, fear that I will never be worthy of love. But the truth is, that is all in my mind. Now don't get me wrong. These beliefs are a big deal and can create walls and limit the progress of anybody who gets stuck believing those things. But they are all in our mind; they're not real.

After listening to that lecture, I pondered on it for some time. I realized that my whole life, every choice I make, is based on fear of something. I wanted to be done living in fear and doing everything I do only because I'm afraid of what other people will think of me if I don't or because I feel obligated to do it. And I wanted to be done beating myself up because my body is not perfect.

So I imagined myself living in a vacuum where nobody else existed besides me--there was nobody around to judge me or to give me reason to worry or fear. And what I was able to see in that space was a completely different me than I normally see. Instead of noticing every blemish and flaw that I am constantly fearing will cause others to look down on me, I saw an absolutely amazing, miraculous body that does miraculous things. Instead of being frustrated and disgusted because of the stretch marks on my abdomen, I felt tremendous gratitude for this amazing body that grew four perfect little people inside of it and was able to stretch to accommodate each rapidly growing life! Instead of seeing love handles or the muffin top that are typically a source of ongoing stress and embarrassment for me, I saw a beautiful body, full of life and health, that has supported me all these years with only minor ailments and injuries in all that time.

I realized that all of the negativity that I feel for my body and thus for myself is a direct result of my fear or belief of what others might be thinking of me. And the kicker is that no matter what anybody thinks of me, it has nothing to do with me. It does not in any way affect my worth or my value or my beauty. I am a child of God and thus am a being of infinite worth and beauty and potential. Nothing they say or do or think will change that. Furthermore, I would venture to guess that 9 times out of 10, nobody is thinking the things I am worrying that they are thinking. As I said before, it is all in my head.

So what can I take from this experience? The next time I catch myself trying to camouflage the size of my belly or worrying about what somebody will think if I haven't lost more weight before I see them again, I'm going to stop and return to that vacuum momentarily and allow myself to feel love and amazement and gratitude for this miracle of a body that I have been blessed with. I am going to give myself a hug and tell myself how wonderful and awesome and beautiful I am. And I'm going to acknowledge to myself that I'm doing a good job in this life.

6-Week Update

I have now completed 6 weeks of regular exercise and healthy eating. Hooray for me! I have been seeing some good things happening. The weight is coming off; I'm out of the habit of late-night binges or treats; I'm no longer craving many of the treats I used to want daily; and I drove by a restaurant the other day that I used to stop at several times a week and realized that it has been a really long time since I've been there. My habits are changing for the better. 

But despite the fact that I'm seeing progress--or perhaps because of it--I have been feeling less motivated lately to make good choices as far as lifestyle is concerned. I've been going to bed late, only doing partial workouts some days, and not being quite as careful about what I eat. I have thankfully established some pretty good patterns by now that are keeping me from straying too far from the path, so the end result is that I'm still working out, but I'm so exhausted that I feel like a zombie most of the time; I have no energy because I'm so tired; and I'm not happy. It's really hard for me to feel joy when all I'm trying to do is get through the day so I can finally go to bed.

This type of thing always happens to me when I start into a new workout plan, but usually it hits sooner. This time I feel like I'm handling things a little better because I have actually been able to see some progress and because the exercising and eating better have become habits. I know that won't work for long, though, if I don't get back to a place of enjoying what I am doing. Here is another one of those times when I need to address the emotional side of things. Why am I losing motivation? What about being healthy feels unsafe or scary? If I want to reach my optimal level of health, I cannot ignore these questions. I must address them as I go so that when I finally get to a point of great physical health, I will be able to easily maintain it because the rest of me will be healthy as well.

Fear and Failure

The whole goal-setting process has been a really interesting experience for me this year. As usual, I set some pretty tough goals for myself, though I stuck with just 4 goals instead of the 10 I did a couple years ago (I crashed and burned big-time that year to the extent that I didn't even bother to set any goals at all the following year). Furthermore, my understanding of goals has grown since then. I now realize that working toward a goal is not about perfection but instead is about the progress you make working toward that goal.

But despite that understanding, there is still a part of me deep down inside that is afraid--afraid I won't "succeed," afraid I will succeed, afraid I'll give up a few weeks into it, afraid I'll find out that I suck, afraid it's not possible for me, afraid I don't really deserve success.

What I'm finding as a result is that on the one hand I've managed to get myself out of bed every morning and do one of the ultra-intense (and truly insane) Insanity workouts (click here to learn more about Insanity) as well as make it out for a run several times over the past two weeks. I'm really proud of myself for that, and I'm grateful that I've managed to make it this far without getting sick, getting injured, or feeling so exhausted that I feel the need to skip workouts (see http://coachmelindaann.blogspot.com/2014/01/some-days-are-harder-than-others.html for some of the "whys" on that one).

On the other hand, there is that ever-present underlying anxiety that I'm not going to succeed, which is causing me to sabotage all of that hard work by eating more junk food than is good for me. I don't typically go crazy--just a glass of hot chocolate or a few left-over Christmas candies--but I can tell that the cravings for that stuff are coming from my anxiety. For most of December I had little desire to eat any junk food, but now that I'm actively working toward a health goal, I suddenly can't get enough of it.

All of this is serving to remind me that I can't just approach my goals on a physical level. I also need to work on them at the emotional and spiritual levels. There are so many reasons why I am overweight and out of shape right now, and 99% of those reasons are not physical. (And I actually believe that is true for everybody out there.) So why do we think that putting all of our focus on the physical side of things is going to bring us back to a state of health? Ultimately that is not enough. While it is so much easier to deal with the physical side of the problem rather than having to look the underlying emotional issues in the eye, I know the approach has to be multi-tiered. Will there be pain? Yes (and not just because the workout is so hard). Will there be tears? Absolutely. Will I falter and stumble along the way? Guaranteed. But if I am brave enough to face myself and my fears head-on, will there be success? Without a doubt! And along with that success will come freedom. I'm ready to be free.

I'm the One Who Writes My Own Story aka Time to Stop Being a Victim!

A few mornings ago I woke up with the words to a song from an old LDS play going through my head: "I'm the one who writes my own story. I decide the person I'll be." I've heard the song many times before and even pondered the meaning of those words, but for some reason they really struck me as I woke up that morning. I suddenly understood them in a new light, and I felt powerful! I am in charge of my life! Nobody else is! I get to create it just how I want it to be, and I'm starting now! I can't possibly describe just how deep and poignant those feelings were for me; suffice it to say that is was an Aha! moment for me that changed my whole perspective. Ever since then, whenever I start feeling frustrated about how things are going, I have been taking a step back and saying to myself, "Wait a minute. If I don't like it, I am the one who needs to change it. What is my story going to say about how I chose to live this day of my life? I'm not just going to sit back and wait for things to change by themselves or for someone else to come in and save the day for me. " What a victim mentality that is! And unfortunately, that is the mentality that I have unknowingly operated under for the past 30+ years of my life. But I'm done! I am now creating the life I want to have in the future by taking charge of today. I am creating myself into a joyful person, a loving mother, a supportive wife, a successful business owner, and a woman who loves herself and treats herself like a queen. I know that a priceless creation like this takes a lot of work and a lot of patience, so I'm just taking things one day at a time. And when that fear starts to creep in, I stop and remind myself that I get to choose. I don't have to be afraid of anyone or anything anymore because I choose how I will meet any given scenario. I am in charge of my life. And I am powerful. And I am done being afraid.

I am the one who writes my own story. And what a story it will be!

Health Coaching Session 3

Last weekend my family and I went on a camping trip, and unfortunately my body thinks vacation = binge time. As a result, I ate a ton of junk food and arrived at my latest health coaching session weighing the same as I did when I first started the health coaching sessions: 154. Thankfully I didn't feel too discouraged due to my success since the last session: I was able to cut dairy completely out of my diet for a week, and I saw big changes in how I felt both physically and emotionally. Some things that I attributed to wheat sensitivity, like the bloated feeling I often have, was significantly improved just from cutting out the dairy. And my mood improved tremendously as well. It was enough of a difference that I have been able to stay away from ice cream and pizza completely, which were my two biggest weaknesses when it comes to dairy, and I have even avoided the little things like buttering my toast. So that change, combined with the food journal I kept to track how I felt, proved to be very successful.

After today's session, I am now moving forward and working on "crowding out" wheat products. My very wise health coach (aka yours truly) talked about the benefits of crowding out the bad by adding in more of the good to your diet rather than trying to go cold turkey with something, especially when it is a staple in your diet. So rather than telling myself I'm not allowed to eat any wheat, my assignment this week is to create some meal plans that don't include wheat (which I did in my health coaching session) and then buy the ingredients for those things as well as some good snack options that also don't contain wheat. That way I'll have plenty of good stuff around to eat before pulling out a wheat product.

One of my assignments from last session was to meditate for at least 5 minutes daily. I did a pretty good job with that for the first few days, but then it all went out the window when I started getting ready for the camping trip. So I'm going to add that back in this week as well. I also am going to work on being present and on telling myself that I love me every single day. All of these should help eliminate the need for emotional eating.

I am really optimistic about how things are going. My eating has improved tremendously since starting my health coaching, as has my mood. I feel like I'm in a good place right now.

Consistency is Key

Have you ever had the experience where you get super excited about something--a big project or a weight loss plan or a race you're training for--and you go for it with full force at first? But then, when you don't immediately see the results you were hoping for, you kind of fizzle and lose momentum, sometimes giving up completely? I have gone through that exact cycle more times than I care to admit. Recently I was starting down that path with my business. I am so excited about what I do! I can't wait to share it with everybody! But the problem is not everybody wants to listen. So when my passion didn't immediately translate into people banging down my door trying to sign up for my program, it kind of took the wind out of my sails. I started making excuses for why I should back off and stop working so hard, consoling myself that this was for the best. But thankfully I received a wake-up call yesterday that helped me realize what I was about to do--give up--before I completely went down that path, and I quickly made some course corrections.

How many times have you done the same thing this year with your fitness goals? I, like so many, tend to set unrealistic expectations for myself, and then when I don't drop 10 pounds AND 10 inches in the first week, I get discouraged and start to doubt whether the program is really going to work for me. The truth is, any exercise program is better than no program at all. But they are all going to take time if they're worth anything.

So my message today is be patient! Don't give up just because it's hard. Whether it's a business, an improved way of eating, a relationship, a new exercise routine, or anything else new you might embark on, you've got to be consistent. What you do now WILL make a difference, but it will likely be weeks or even months down the road. And you know what? That's wonderful! Because by then the change will have become integrated into your life and is much more likely to remain a part of your lifestyle for the rest or your long, healthy life.

For now, put your focus on enjoying the journey, loving yourself, and keeping faith. Those changes will come. But they will come one step at a time. Gradual progress is the best kind there is.

Exercise for the Brain

As I was literally spoon-feeding my 3-year-old son his breakfast this morning, as I do with at least a portion of every meal of every day, I once again found myself fast-forwarding 15 years and imagining myself feeding my 18-year-old his breakfast before he drives off to school or work for the day. I wondered if his wife will be willing to keep feeding him his meals when she takes on the responsibilities of being married to him. Should we include that in the marriage contract? Now, this is not meant to elicit comments about my bad parenting. I actually want to talk about this habit that I would guess many of us have of projecting ourselves into the future. While this is not necessarily a good thing when I am seeing my 9-year-old as a juvenile delinquent 7 years down the road because he runs off to play with friends instead of doing his chores today, or my 7-year-old flunking out of school and not being able to keep a job because she forgets to turn in a homework assignment, I do think it can have its uses if we choose to change the vision.

Our minds have so much power, more than we realize. If we will take that ability to project into the future and just change the picture a little, it becomes a very powerful mental exercise. If, for example, you lack motivation to do physical exercise at all, start envisioning yourself as someone who likes to exercise and who looks forward to getting up and doing something active every day. The more you visualize the future you want to create, the more you will lock that into your subconscious and get the wheels in your head moving so that that vision can start to be created. Most of what we do every day is controlled by our subconscious thoughts, so if we can just lock those more positive thoughts into our subconscious mind, the things we do when we are on auto-pilot will more likely be things that help us reach our goals. And in our conscious mind, visualizing what we want our future to look like will keep us motivated to keep working toward our goal. 

So take 10 minutes today and try it. Visualize something that you would like to see in your life, whether it’s a healthier body, a better job, an intimate relationship, etc. and paint a picture in your mind of just how it will look. How do you feel? What are you doing as a result of this change? Where do you see yourself? What are the sights, sounds, and smells, surrounding you? The more detail you put in, the more you will be able to lock it in. Take a few minutes to do this every day, and see how your life starts to change. You may surprise yourself!

Happy Birthday to Me (and a holiday challenge tip)

I have had such a fun birthday today and, surprisingly, I have done it without food being a major part of it. That is a really big deal for me, and it has caused me to reflect back on all the years when every celebration has revolved around food, especially junk food. It has been a long journey to get to the point I'm at today, when a friend offered to take me out for ice cream and I actually declined because I don't eat like that anymore. And I said it without the slightest feeling of deprivation! Two things occur to me as I think about this: 1) Everybody's journey to better health is a process that happens one step at a time; so even if you're not where you want to be yet, don't give up. Just pay attention to how far you've come, not how far you have to go. 2) Don't let eating be the center of your life. Of course we all have to eat several times a day to remain healthy (and alive), but we don't have to have our entire lives revolve around it. Try putting your focus on other things, and don't stress about what you can or can't, should or shouldn't eat. Just live life! We're meant to have joy, so let's rejoice in our lives and our health and our bodies. That's my tip today: Relax and enjoy life, putting your focus on your health and your happiness and your blessings rather than on food. You'll feel so much better if you do!

I'm so glad to be alive!