If You Could Choose Just One Thing to Be an Expert at, What Would It Be?

In a recent post of hers, my sister and business partner Melinda Batchelor blogged about the idea of putting 10,000 hours of deliberate practice into something in order to become an expert at it. She talked about how this concept has really thrown her for a loop and caused her to re-evaluate how she is living her life and running her business. (It's a great blog post. I recommend that you take a minute to read it.) I have had many of the same revolutionary thoughts about my life based on this concept. In fact, it has really turned my world upside down for these last few days, and I've realized some things about myself. I want to be great at everything, not just one thing. I've compared it to a computer game I used to play years ago called Dungeon Siege. In the game, you can develop your character's skills in either magic or in a particular weapon. Choosing to focus on just one would allow you to become really powerful in that area but stay perpetually weak in the other area you didn't focus on. As a result, I could not bring myself to let go of either area. I would just keep trying to develop both areas, and I did--to some extent. But in the end I would have mediocre power in both skills, and my character would be nothing special in terms of attack. My weaker attacks would make it harder to kill the monsters, which made it more likely that I would die.

What I'm finding is that I do the same thing in my real life. Take my business, for instance. I am currently playing the role of Chi Running instructor and health coach and energy coach, with plans to add even more to my list of titles down the road. And the thing is I love doing all of these things. But I'm finally being forced to acknowledge what has been in the back of my mind for at least the past year: I can't be an expert at all of these things. So I find myself at a crossroads. Do I continue on, attempting to continue strong in all disciplines, or do I let go of some things so that I can become a master in one area? I believe the right path for me is to let go, but I'm having a really hard time with it, as if I'm having to let go of a planned-for child. And as a result, I can't decide what to focus on. There are so many reasons to choose or not choose each area (not to mention the other areas of interest that I haven't even mentioned), but I want to choose the one that I am most passionate about, regardless of what seems like the "logical" choice. I want to choose the one that will leave me with the fewest regrets at the end of my life. And so far I can't bring myself to do that because it seems so final, like the end of the others' lives, or at least the end of my dreams of becoming a world-renowned expert in all of those areas.

So here is my plan. I am going to take my list of finalists and choose just one to focus on for a whole month. At the end of that month, I will evaluate how dedicated I was to studying, if I had to force myself to sit down and study it or did I look forward to it, and whether I eventually got bored with it and wanted to do something else vs. being excited enough about what I was learning to want to continue. This experiment might not give me the straight answer I'm hoping for, but it will at least be a start. And thankfully, I don't have to decide tomorrow.

Through this whole emotional upheaval, I did realize right away that there is one thing that I am sure I want to become an expert at, and that is being a wife and mother. I care more about that than any of those other things. I spend so much time interacting with my family, though, that I feel certain that I can improve a lot in this area if I just make that time I'm with them deliberate--study the scriptures or a pertinent book for a short time each day and then spend the time I'm with my kids working on what I've been studying about. Whatever other path I choose will always be secondary to that. And that plan, at least, fills me with joy.

Plateaus

Getting fit is hard work! Anybody who tries to tell you that it's easy is either lying through their teeth or has

never truly tried to do it before. Or they're selling you some diet pill that down the road will turn out to cause cancer or heart damage or both. The first two months of the year I worked my tail off, both in the exercise arena as well as the nutrition arena. I was pushing myself hard and being very vigilant about what I ate. And it was hard. It's hard to decide every day that you're going to get up and work out even if your 4-year-old was in your room at 1 in the morning asking for water and then you couldn't get back to sleep for the next three hours. It's hard to pass up that brownie 9 times out of 10 (don't want to put myself into deprivation mode after all) and take the time to make a healthy meal as often as possible even though you know your kids are going to whine about it--again. So it's not terribly surprising to me that I've slacked off somewhat these past 2 weeks. My eating has really gone downhill--lots of treats, not enough vegetables. My exercise has been mediocre at best--I'm still doing it (most days) but I'm not putting quite as much effort into it as I was before. And I'm "escaping" more often, which means getting to bed way too late and waking up too tired to exercise or even to look forward to the new day.

And my weight has stopped dropping. Shocker, right? I lost a total of 11 pounds in the first two months of the year--11!--and now I am fluctuating between the same 2 or 3 pounds, unable to break through the 140 barrier into the 130s. I have officially hit a plateau. However, instead of whining about how I can't seem to lose weight, I am choosing to look at things as they really are. I have been a big slacker these 2 weeks, and it's absolutely no surprise to me that my weight has not continued to drop. It's disappointing, perhaps, that I can't lose weight without working; but not surprising.

I've been thinking today about what a plateau really is. If I were hiking up a steep mountain and part-way up I came to a plateau, I'm sure I would be happy and relieved to be there. The ground is flat, after all, which means less work and a chance to rest a little before I continue the upward climb. However, if the ground stays flat forever, I will never reach my destination. One way or another, the only way to get to the peak is to go up. And as nice of a reprieve as the plateaus are, the more there are, the longer it will take me to reach the summit. Seeing it from this perspective, I am recognizing that plateaus are actually an important part of my progress toward my goal. I do need a chance to rest a little after working so hard. But I don't want to stay here too long because that goal is still calling.

This little analogy is helping me to not beat myself up about these lazy last 2 weeks. Perhaps they are just what I needed to give me time to rest and find renewed motivation and dedication to my goal. And I do feel motivated again. I feel excited to keep moving forward, more excited than I have in weeks, actually. Hopefully the next plateau will not come for at least another 2 months. And when it does come (which I recognize now will be a good thing), I will take that time to relax and renew so that I can be even stronger once I start heading uphill again. Forward, march!

January's Results Are In!

This month has had a lot of ups and downs for me. And while I was not very good about posting regularly, and it may even have seemed that I had given up completely after my last pathetic post written on a very down day, I didn't. I kept going, never letting a day go by without exercising (except for rest days, of course, which are a very important part of any exercise program). And I did surprisingly well with my nutrition to the tune of 5 lbs. lost over the month! Yes, you read that right. I lost 5 lbs. in January! And I'm even happier to report that I shrunk 1.5 inches around my waist! So while I definitely had my setbacks over the course of the month and felt some days like for every step forward I was moving 2 steps backward, the persistence paid off. What a great lesson for me this has been. In the past I have gotten discouraged after 2 or 3 weeks when it didn't appear that I was making any progress, and with the discouragement came a huge hit to my motivation to the point that I stopped exercising or eating right or both. So what has made the difference this time? Well, I think there are a lot of factors involved, but here are just a few things I have recognized as making a difference this time around.

1) Weighing myself every day. I have always been strongly against this in the past because people tend to get too emotionally attached to the number on the scale. But what I found with myself is that weighing every day has actually helped me to decrease my emotional attachment to that number. Instead it serves to provide me with information about what/how/when I ate the previous day, and I no longer fear what number might appear when I step on that scale each morning.

2) Eating 3 meals a day with no snacking in between. I know this seems counter-intuitive because of what every personal trainer out there seems to be teaching, but this has helped me tremendously. I don't think we realize how many calories we are actually consuming in those in-between-meal snacks. Even though I definitely eat bigger meals now, my total caloric intake is lower, and my weight is dropping as a result.

3) A strong support system. Notice the word "strong." I love my twin sister dearly, and we have made dozens of goals together in the past several years. But despite how much we love each other, I would not necessarily say that we have been a strong support for each other--until now, that is. This time we have stopped having binges together when one of us is down, and we have set up small reward systems to help motivate us to keep going. We share our triumphs and setbacks with each other on a regular basis. I'm sure I would not have made it this far without my sis. So thank you, dear Sis.

4)Reviewing my goals. While I have set a million and one goals in the past, I often completely forget about them within a few weeks. But this time I have been reviewing them every single day, deciding what I can do each day to progress toward each goal, and finding small ways to reward myself every time I make a little bit of progress.

I can't say this is the formula for everybody out there, but for me these have made the difference. Will it make a permanent difference? I can't answer that yet, but I can say that I am optimistic about my future. 

Fear and Failure

The whole goal-setting process has been a really interesting experience for me this year. As usual, I set some pretty tough goals for myself, though I stuck with just 4 goals instead of the 10 I did a couple years ago (I crashed and burned big-time that year to the extent that I didn't even bother to set any goals at all the following year). Furthermore, my understanding of goals has grown since then. I now realize that working toward a goal is not about perfection but instead is about the progress you make working toward that goal.

But despite that understanding, there is still a part of me deep down inside that is afraid--afraid I won't "succeed," afraid I will succeed, afraid I'll give up a few weeks into it, afraid I'll find out that I suck, afraid it's not possible for me, afraid I don't really deserve success.

What I'm finding as a result is that on the one hand I've managed to get myself out of bed every morning and do one of the ultra-intense (and truly insane) Insanity workouts (click here to learn more about Insanity) as well as make it out for a run several times over the past two weeks. I'm really proud of myself for that, and I'm grateful that I've managed to make it this far without getting sick, getting injured, or feeling so exhausted that I feel the need to skip workouts (see http://coachmelindaann.blogspot.com/2014/01/some-days-are-harder-than-others.html for some of the "whys" on that one).

On the other hand, there is that ever-present underlying anxiety that I'm not going to succeed, which is causing me to sabotage all of that hard work by eating more junk food than is good for me. I don't typically go crazy--just a glass of hot chocolate or a few left-over Christmas candies--but I can tell that the cravings for that stuff are coming from my anxiety. For most of December I had little desire to eat any junk food, but now that I'm actively working toward a health goal, I suddenly can't get enough of it.

All of this is serving to remind me that I can't just approach my goals on a physical level. I also need to work on them at the emotional and spiritual levels. There are so many reasons why I am overweight and out of shape right now, and 99% of those reasons are not physical. (And I actually believe that is true for everybody out there.) So why do we think that putting all of our focus on the physical side of things is going to bring us back to a state of health? Ultimately that is not enough. While it is so much easier to deal with the physical side of the problem rather than having to look the underlying emotional issues in the eye, I know the approach has to be multi-tiered. Will there be pain? Yes (and not just because the workout is so hard). Will there be tears? Absolutely. Will I falter and stumble along the way? Guaranteed. But if I am brave enough to face myself and my fears head-on, will there be success? Without a doubt! And along with that success will come freedom. I'm ready to be free.

New Year, New You?

A lot of people begin the New Year by making resolutions. We’ve all been there. We take a vow to lose weight, exercise more, or spend more time with our family. We start the year with great intentions, but then we quickly relapse into old habits. Why is it so hard to stick to those New Year’s resolutions?
Here are some ways you can make your intentions a reality this year:

1.     Write down your intentions and keep them in a visible place, like taped to your bedroom mirror or the dashboard of your car.

2.     Get to the source of whatever is keeping you in a rut. Are you in a stressful relationship that causes you to eat a pint of Ben & Jerry’s every night? Are you stressed trying to keep up with family responsibilities or in your job and feel too tired to exercise after everyone else is taken care of?  If you don’t tackle the root of the behavior, it will be much harder to accomplish your goal.

3.     Be clear about what your life would look like once you achieve your goal. If you resolve to go to the gym more, how will this benefit you? Get connected to the result of your action, and you will be more likely to stick with your plan.

4.     Share your resolutions with friends and family. Hold each other accountable for achieving your goals. If you want to go to the gym more, have a friend call you two or three times a week to check on you or invite them to join you.

5.     Reward yourself with every little accomplishment. If your intention is to lose weight and you lose 1 pound a week, pamper yourself with a massage.

Big changes do not require big leaps. Permanent change is more likely to happen gradually than through one big restrictive plan. Allow yourself to climb the ladder one rung at a time.


Happy New Year! 

New Beginnings and Not-So-New Setbacks

Today is January 3rd, a few days into the start of a new year and new resolutions to do better. One of my resolutions for this year, of course, has to do with health. I want to have a flat stomach by the end of the year. I'm definining that as a 28-inch waist for lack of a better way to objectify it. At the moment I have about a 39.5-inch waist. So that means I need to shrink by about 1 inch per month to get to my goal. Since I've never paid much attention to how long it takes to lose inches, I don't really know how realistic that is. So this could be a great opportunity to move forward with no limiting belief about the achievability of my goal. But instead I've done nothing but doubt since day one of figuring out how many inches I really have to lose. "1 inch a month???" my subconscious asks. "No way am I going to do that!" And that has inevitably been followed by the anxiety and the fear and then the self-sabotage. Three days into my workout and I'm already in self-sabotage mode! Obviously working out daily is not going to be sufficient for me to succeed. I am going to have to deal with the emotional side of things as well, or I am going to crash and burn in the first week, just like so many people do with their New Year's resolutions.

Dieter F. Uchtdorf says, "Doubt your doubts, not your faith." Instead of dwelling on all the reasons why I think it can't be done, I want to be focusing on the infinite possibilities that this year brings. Instead of focusing on the road blocks, I want to focus on the opportunity for growth this presents me. Yes, I'm afraid. Yes, part of me is certain I will fail. But part of me is also excited to see what I will accomplish as a result of this goal--not just in terms of a flat stomach but also in terms of learning to love myself and learning to trust myself. The real goal here isn't to reach the number 28. The real goal is to keep trying, to never give up on my goals or myself, even if I backslide occasionally (like I did last night). What if I only make it down to 35 inches by the end of the year? I will still be better off than I was the previous year. But I'm not going to only make it to 35 inches. I'm going to continue tracking my progress and adjust my approach accordingly. That's one big thing that's going to be different this year: If my strategy isn't working, I am going to change it. Instead of choosing a strategy and sticking with it no matter what, like a hamster in a wheel that's not really getting anywhere, I'm going to evaluate my progress often and make changes mid-course as needed to ensure that I continue making progress.

As I think about it, this year isn't just about having a flat stomach or building my confidence as a health coach or serving more people (my goals for the year). It's about learning how to set--and accomplish--goals, it's about learning to love and trust myself, and it's about finding joy in the journey.

2012 Holiday Challenge Time!

With Thanksgiving only a day away, the time has come to set some goals to help you make it through the next 6 weeks in good shape physically and emotionally. Now don't get carried away with this idea. Making a goal to lose 10 lbs. this season might not be a great goal if you have historically gained 10 lbs. over the holidays. But making a goal to maintain your current weight might be a great goal. So choose a goal that is appropriate for wherever you are, physically and emotionally, today.

Next step: Write down HOW you are going to make that goal happen, e.g. limit the number of sweets you eat each day, make exercise a priority despite the chaos that ensues, drink more water, etc.

Third: As I mentioned in a recent blog post, visualizing yourself achieving your goal can be very powerful. So every morning, take a few minutes imagining yourself on January 2nd as having succeeded at your goal. Imagine how happy you are going to feel, how proud of yourself you will be for having achieved this goal! How do you look? How does it feel? How does it sound? Imagine yourself eating that delicious, healthy meal instead of the pumpkin pie leftovers and how good the healthy food tastes to you. Really get into the visualization!

Add to that a little moral support and some tracking of your goal progress, and voila! Successful goal setting at it's finest! Okay, so maybe it's not quite that easy. But this can be a recipe for success if you don't let yourself get psyched out by it. Short-term goals are definitely the way to go when you're just starting out, so take this opportunity to start next year's resolution-setting off on the right foot before next year even starts!