Act 2

You know how the second act of a play is always the one where problems arise, where bad things happen and you don't know if/how it will all turn out in the end? Or how the 2nd movie in a trilogy is always the lame one that nobody ever wants to watch again or own, but the producers make you buy it if you want to get the other two by selling them as a set? Well I guess I've entered my own Act 2. This always happens to me two or three weeks into a new goal or plan. I'm exhausted all the time from getting up earlier and exercising more, which then makes me irritable and grumpy with my family and others who have the misfortune to cross my path; and on top of all that I am not seeing much, if any, progress on my goals.

Now, I know from an outsider's point of view that it's easy to look at the situation and say, "Be patient. You haven't given yourself enough time;" or "Your body will adapt;" or "There has been progress. You just can't see it yet." But you know as well as I do that when you're in the middle of that funk, none of those "excuses" seem real. I hate being this tired. My family and I are going to run our first 5k together this weekend, and I feel more tired and more out of shape than I did at the beginning of the year when I was doing no running at all. Every step I took in my run this morning was agony. On top of that, I was supposed to start packing for our trip tonight, but I'm just too tired. The whole thought of it seems overwhelming. And worst of all, I just spanked my little 4-year-old so hard that I think I sprained one of my fingers. My little guy that I adore so much. He deserves better than that, and I should be able to give him better.

I know this is a super depressing post, but I'm trying to be honest about my journey, and frankly sometimes the path gets hard and I want to turn back or take an easier way, even if I know the easier path will lead to nowhere. One of the hardest parts about it all is that, right now while I'm in the middle of Act 2 and things are so tough, I don't feel like I ever even had an Act 1. Instead of feeling happiness, excitement, motivation, and hope at the beginning, I pretty much went straight into stress and overwhelm and self-doubt. No wonder I'm already to this point after only 2 1/2 weeks. That's not the way to start anything.

My twin sister wrote a blog post about the importance of living in the Now and no longer letting fears or worries about the past or the future control you. (Take a look at that blog here.) Talk about good timing. That's exactly the reminder I needed after a day like today. I know I won't be in this low place forever, but what I want is to pull myself out of it and never return, and I believe the way to do that is to live in the now. It's time to stop stressing so much about what might or might not happen. I'm not running the 5k with my family to get a PR; I'm running it to do something fun with my husband and children. So I'm going to focus on that during the race, not on how fast or not fast I might be or what others might think of me. And I'm not living just to get through the day; I want to feel joy throughout my day as I play with and love my family and bring joy and light to the lives of people I pass on my journey. If that's not happening, then it's time to change something. My ultimate goal here is joy. So if what I'm doing isn't bringing me joy, time to stop. Is exercising bringing me joy? Ultimately yes because it will help me have better health and more energy. Also, as long as I'm not stressing about how much belly fat I'm burning or how much the scale is going to say tomorrow, I actually do enjoy exercising. Is worrying about the exercise bringing me joy? No. Time to throw the worry out of my life. Is getting up early bringing me joy? It depends on if I'm doing it because I want to or because I feel obligated to. Is being grumpy with my family and others bringing me joy? No way! Just the opposite. I definitely don't need that in my life. Time to make some changes. Someone very wise once told me, "If what you're doing isn't working, try something else." I feel like the way I've lived my whole life hasn't really worked for me, and I should have tried doing it differently a long time ago. But I can't do anything about the past, and there's no time like the present to start.

I know this is a long, whiny post, but some days are just like that.

Fear and Failure

The whole goal-setting process has been a really interesting experience for me this year. As usual, I set some pretty tough goals for myself, though I stuck with just 4 goals instead of the 10 I did a couple years ago (I crashed and burned big-time that year to the extent that I didn't even bother to set any goals at all the following year). Furthermore, my understanding of goals has grown since then. I now realize that working toward a goal is not about perfection but instead is about the progress you make working toward that goal.

But despite that understanding, there is still a part of me deep down inside that is afraid--afraid I won't "succeed," afraid I will succeed, afraid I'll give up a few weeks into it, afraid I'll find out that I suck, afraid it's not possible for me, afraid I don't really deserve success.

What I'm finding as a result is that on the one hand I've managed to get myself out of bed every morning and do one of the ultra-intense (and truly insane) Insanity workouts (click here to learn more about Insanity) as well as make it out for a run several times over the past two weeks. I'm really proud of myself for that, and I'm grateful that I've managed to make it this far without getting sick, getting injured, or feeling so exhausted that I feel the need to skip workouts (see http://coachmelindaann.blogspot.com/2014/01/some-days-are-harder-than-others.html for some of the "whys" on that one).

On the other hand, there is that ever-present underlying anxiety that I'm not going to succeed, which is causing me to sabotage all of that hard work by eating more junk food than is good for me. I don't typically go crazy--just a glass of hot chocolate or a few left-over Christmas candies--but I can tell that the cravings for that stuff are coming from my anxiety. For most of December I had little desire to eat any junk food, but now that I'm actively working toward a health goal, I suddenly can't get enough of it.

All of this is serving to remind me that I can't just approach my goals on a physical level. I also need to work on them at the emotional and spiritual levels. There are so many reasons why I am overweight and out of shape right now, and 99% of those reasons are not physical. (And I actually believe that is true for everybody out there.) So why do we think that putting all of our focus on the physical side of things is going to bring us back to a state of health? Ultimately that is not enough. While it is so much easier to deal with the physical side of the problem rather than having to look the underlying emotional issues in the eye, I know the approach has to be multi-tiered. Will there be pain? Yes (and not just because the workout is so hard). Will there be tears? Absolutely. Will I falter and stumble along the way? Guaranteed. But if I am brave enough to face myself and my fears head-on, will there be success? Without a doubt! And along with that success will come freedom. I'm ready to be free.

New Year, New You?

A lot of people begin the New Year by making resolutions. We’ve all been there. We take a vow to lose weight, exercise more, or spend more time with our family. We start the year with great intentions, but then we quickly relapse into old habits. Why is it so hard to stick to those New Year’s resolutions?
Here are some ways you can make your intentions a reality this year:

1.     Write down your intentions and keep them in a visible place, like taped to your bedroom mirror or the dashboard of your car.

2.     Get to the source of whatever is keeping you in a rut. Are you in a stressful relationship that causes you to eat a pint of Ben & Jerry’s every night? Are you stressed trying to keep up with family responsibilities or in your job and feel too tired to exercise after everyone else is taken care of?  If you don’t tackle the root of the behavior, it will be much harder to accomplish your goal.

3.     Be clear about what your life would look like once you achieve your goal. If you resolve to go to the gym more, how will this benefit you? Get connected to the result of your action, and you will be more likely to stick with your plan.

4.     Share your resolutions with friends and family. Hold each other accountable for achieving your goals. If you want to go to the gym more, have a friend call you two or three times a week to check on you or invite them to join you.

5.     Reward yourself with every little accomplishment. If your intention is to lose weight and you lose 1 pound a week, pamper yourself with a massage.

Big changes do not require big leaps. Permanent change is more likely to happen gradually than through one big restrictive plan. Allow yourself to climb the ladder one rung at a time.


Happy New Year! 

New Beginnings and Not-So-New Setbacks

Today is January 3rd, a few days into the start of a new year and new resolutions to do better. One of my resolutions for this year, of course, has to do with health. I want to have a flat stomach by the end of the year. I'm definining that as a 28-inch waist for lack of a better way to objectify it. At the moment I have about a 39.5-inch waist. So that means I need to shrink by about 1 inch per month to get to my goal. Since I've never paid much attention to how long it takes to lose inches, I don't really know how realistic that is. So this could be a great opportunity to move forward with no limiting belief about the achievability of my goal. But instead I've done nothing but doubt since day one of figuring out how many inches I really have to lose. "1 inch a month???" my subconscious asks. "No way am I going to do that!" And that has inevitably been followed by the anxiety and the fear and then the self-sabotage. Three days into my workout and I'm already in self-sabotage mode! Obviously working out daily is not going to be sufficient for me to succeed. I am going to have to deal with the emotional side of things as well, or I am going to crash and burn in the first week, just like so many people do with their New Year's resolutions.

Dieter F. Uchtdorf says, "Doubt your doubts, not your faith." Instead of dwelling on all the reasons why I think it can't be done, I want to be focusing on the infinite possibilities that this year brings. Instead of focusing on the road blocks, I want to focus on the opportunity for growth this presents me. Yes, I'm afraid. Yes, part of me is certain I will fail. But part of me is also excited to see what I will accomplish as a result of this goal--not just in terms of a flat stomach but also in terms of learning to love myself and learning to trust myself. The real goal here isn't to reach the number 28. The real goal is to keep trying, to never give up on my goals or myself, even if I backslide occasionally (like I did last night). What if I only make it down to 35 inches by the end of the year? I will still be better off than I was the previous year. But I'm not going to only make it to 35 inches. I'm going to continue tracking my progress and adjust my approach accordingly. That's one big thing that's going to be different this year: If my strategy isn't working, I am going to change it. Instead of choosing a strategy and sticking with it no matter what, like a hamster in a wheel that's not really getting anywhere, I'm going to evaluate my progress often and make changes mid-course as needed to ensure that I continue making progress.

As I think about it, this year isn't just about having a flat stomach or building my confidence as a health coach or serving more people (my goals for the year). It's about learning how to set--and accomplish--goals, it's about learning to love and trust myself, and it's about finding joy in the journey.