Life Lessons

I just learned this morning that the Gold Medal Schools program that I have been involved in, a state-run program intended to help schools establish healthy habits, is being shut down this year and that they don't have enough money to pay the school coordinators (that would be me) the stipend we were supposed to received: $500 now and $500 at the end of the year provided we have helped the school meet all of the requirements. I of course feel disappointed, especially since it's Christmas and I kind of went overboard buying presents in anticipation of getting that money. But I don't feel crushed or panicked or anything of the sort. Part of that is because I'm trying to approach it with the attitude of "What am I to learn from this?" Another part is because we are doing okay financially. My husband makes a good income, good enough to allow me to be a stay-at-home mom, good enough to allow me to pursue my passions such as running, triathlon, coaching, and playing with my kids, good enough that even when I overspend on Christmas presents, we will still be okay. So perhaps one of the things I am meant to realize from this is how very blessed I am. I'm so grateful for the abundance of blessings in my life. I'm grateful for my wonderful husband and my wonderful children. I'm grateful that we are all healthy. I'm grateful for my body. And I'm grateful to have been a part of helping the students at my kids' school make better choices.

Perhaps another thing I am to learn is that serving others is a joy. I have enjoyed being a part of this program at the school, getting to know the students better, putting together assemblies and other things to help the kids learn good habits, and being an active part of the school. And with or without the money, I am still excited to be a part of that. Maybe now that money isn't even involved for me, I can move forward with fewer inhibitions and allow myself to be led by my heart and by the internal motivation that is already there to help children and families. That's what I need to do with all of my coaching--just let go of the money stress. While it's nice to earn money and I do believe people will gain more when they pay for my services, the reason I am doing this is not just to get money. It is because I truly love what I do, and I want to help families be healthier and happier. So maybe the main lesson for me is that it's not about the money. It's about gratitude and blessings and service and love. And I'm going to be okay.

Patience

Impatience is always what gets me when working toward a goal, especially a health goal. I get so gung-ho and put all of my energy and excitement into something, such as a new workout plan or a new eating plan, excited and confident that the hoped-for weight loss will happen quickly. But it almost never does happen quickly, at least not quickly enough for my taste. I typically get about 2 weeks into the program before my excitement starts to fizzle because I'm seeing little to know change in my weight or body size, and pretty soon I drop it all together, discouraged and disgusted with myself for being so weak.

What I need to remember and really believe is that it really is going to happen, but not quickly and not all at once--at least as long as I'm doing it the right way. The right way means eating in a way that is healthful and sustainable over the long term, not just some temporary trick to lose a quick 10 pounds. I have beat up my body so much over the years that it's going to take time and the proper foods for it to heal and repair itself. I need to remember that when I'm not seeing the number on the scale go down. All of my healthy eating is making a difference, but I won't necessarily see all that's going on inside my body in this process of change and healing, and the scale is not going to show that either.

For the past couple of weeks I have been doing the Insanity workouts, which are, well, insane. I have lost so much fitness over the last year that I'm to the point right now that I sometimes will do just the warm-up, which is about 15 minutes long, then turn it off and be done, having sweated and gotten my heart rate way up just from that. Now to be fair, the warm-up on those is pretty intense. And right now it's enough to give me sore muscles and leave me feeling exhausted. Once again, though, it's about the baby steps. It won't be long before I can do the entire workout and feel good by the end. Or maybe it will be a long time before I get there. But the point is I WILL get there eventually, just as long as I don't give up. I've got to be patient with myself, and if the scale only shows .2 pounds lost, or even that I've gone up since the day before, I need to be okay with that, recognizing that all of that healing is still taking place that I can't yet see. I WILL reach my goal, even if at times it seems I'm making no progress at all. I just can't quit! 

Milestones

Warning: This is likely not going to be a happy, feel-good blog post. I'm not in a very good place right now. I turned 39 years old at the beginning of this week, but it's not my age that is bothering me. It's where I am right now vs. where I want to be that's bothering me. Birthdays are typically considered milestones by which we measure our progress in life. But what is a milestone really? Is it just an event or date that marks the passage of time? Or is it an event that indicates something achieved or gained? If the answer is A, then turning 39 was certainly a milestone for me. If you consider B as a more fitting description of what a milestone really is, then I don't know that I can say this birthday was a milestone. As I look back over the year, I certainly have accomplished some things, such as finishing my online health coaching program and becoming a certified holistic health coach, becoming a certified Chi Running instructor, and running my first RAGNAR. But the deeper, more personal goals went unachieved, like improved health, spiritual progression, and increased emotional strength. What is on my mind the most lately is the lack of improvement in my health. Not only did I not achieve the desired goals in my body composition and overall fitness but I instead managed to add more than 30 pounds to my body over the course of the year. I believe, though, that this would not be bothering me quite so much if I were not in such a low place spiritually and emotionally. It's really amazing to me how low I've fallen in so many ways in just one year.

So now I have two choices: I can either wallow in my mediocrity and lack of progress, feeling sorry for myself and giving up because it's "obviously" too hard for me; or I can get back on my feet and keep moving forward, recognizing that I'm not a failure as long as I keep trying. I think I'll go with option B. I have way too many years left to give up on myself already.

On second thought, this birthday is a milestone for me after all. It's the year I decided to move forward and never look back.