Life Lessons

I just learned this morning that the Gold Medal Schools program that I have been involved in, a state-run program intended to help schools establish healthy habits, is being shut down this year and that they don't have enough money to pay the school coordinators (that would be me) the stipend we were supposed to received: $500 now and $500 at the end of the year provided we have helped the school meet all of the requirements. I of course feel disappointed, especially since it's Christmas and I kind of went overboard buying presents in anticipation of getting that money. But I don't feel crushed or panicked or anything of the sort. Part of that is because I'm trying to approach it with the attitude of "What am I to learn from this?" Another part is because we are doing okay financially. My husband makes a good income, good enough to allow me to be a stay-at-home mom, good enough to allow me to pursue my passions such as running, triathlon, coaching, and playing with my kids, good enough that even when I overspend on Christmas presents, we will still be okay. So perhaps one of the things I am meant to realize from this is how very blessed I am. I'm so grateful for the abundance of blessings in my life. I'm grateful for my wonderful husband and my wonderful children. I'm grateful that we are all healthy. I'm grateful for my body. And I'm grateful to have been a part of helping the students at my kids' school make better choices.

Perhaps another thing I am to learn is that serving others is a joy. I have enjoyed being a part of this program at the school, getting to know the students better, putting together assemblies and other things to help the kids learn good habits, and being an active part of the school. And with or without the money, I am still excited to be a part of that. Maybe now that money isn't even involved for me, I can move forward with fewer inhibitions and allow myself to be led by my heart and by the internal motivation that is already there to help children and families. That's what I need to do with all of my coaching--just let go of the money stress. While it's nice to earn money and I do believe people will gain more when they pay for my services, the reason I am doing this is not just to get money. It is because I truly love what I do, and I want to help families be healthier and happier. So maybe the main lesson for me is that it's not about the money. It's about gratitude and blessings and service and love. And I'm going to be okay.

Patience

Impatience is always what gets me when working toward a goal, especially a health goal. I get so gung-ho and put all of my energy and excitement into something, such as a new workout plan or a new eating plan, excited and confident that the hoped-for weight loss will happen quickly. But it almost never does happen quickly, at least not quickly enough for my taste. I typically get about 2 weeks into the program before my excitement starts to fizzle because I'm seeing little to know change in my weight or body size, and pretty soon I drop it all together, discouraged and disgusted with myself for being so weak.

What I need to remember and really believe is that it really is going to happen, but not quickly and not all at once--at least as long as I'm doing it the right way. The right way means eating in a way that is healthful and sustainable over the long term, not just some temporary trick to lose a quick 10 pounds. I have beat up my body so much over the years that it's going to take time and the proper foods for it to heal and repair itself. I need to remember that when I'm not seeing the number on the scale go down. All of my healthy eating is making a difference, but I won't necessarily see all that's going on inside my body in this process of change and healing, and the scale is not going to show that either.

For the past couple of weeks I have been doing the Insanity workouts, which are, well, insane. I have lost so much fitness over the last year that I'm to the point right now that I sometimes will do just the warm-up, which is about 15 minutes long, then turn it off and be done, having sweated and gotten my heart rate way up just from that. Now to be fair, the warm-up on those is pretty intense. And right now it's enough to give me sore muscles and leave me feeling exhausted. Once again, though, it's about the baby steps. It won't be long before I can do the entire workout and feel good by the end. Or maybe it will be a long time before I get there. But the point is I WILL get there eventually, just as long as I don't give up. I've got to be patient with myself, and if the scale only shows .2 pounds lost, or even that I've gone up since the day before, I need to be okay with that, recognizing that all of that healing is still taking place that I can't yet see. I WILL reach my goal, even if at times it seems I'm making no progress at all. I just can't quit! 

Milestones

Warning: This is likely not going to be a happy, feel-good blog post. I'm not in a very good place right now. I turned 39 years old at the beginning of this week, but it's not my age that is bothering me. It's where I am right now vs. where I want to be that's bothering me. Birthdays are typically considered milestones by which we measure our progress in life. But what is a milestone really? Is it just an event or date that marks the passage of time? Or is it an event that indicates something achieved or gained? If the answer is A, then turning 39 was certainly a milestone for me. If you consider B as a more fitting description of what a milestone really is, then I don't know that I can say this birthday was a milestone. As I look back over the year, I certainly have accomplished some things, such as finishing my online health coaching program and becoming a certified holistic health coach, becoming a certified Chi Running instructor, and running my first RAGNAR. But the deeper, more personal goals went unachieved, like improved health, spiritual progression, and increased emotional strength. What is on my mind the most lately is the lack of improvement in my health. Not only did I not achieve the desired goals in my body composition and overall fitness but I instead managed to add more than 30 pounds to my body over the course of the year. I believe, though, that this would not be bothering me quite so much if I were not in such a low place spiritually and emotionally. It's really amazing to me how low I've fallen in so many ways in just one year.

So now I have two choices: I can either wallow in my mediocrity and lack of progress, feeling sorry for myself and giving up because it's "obviously" too hard for me; or I can get back on my feet and keep moving forward, recognizing that I'm not a failure as long as I keep trying. I think I'll go with option B. I have way too many years left to give up on myself already.

On second thought, this birthday is a milestone for me after all. It's the year I decided to move forward and never look back.

I'm the One Who Writes My Own Story aka Time to Stop Being a Victim!

A few mornings ago I woke up with the words to a song from an old LDS play going through my head: "I'm the one who writes my own story. I decide the person I'll be." I've heard the song many times before and even pondered the meaning of those words, but for some reason they really struck me as I woke up that morning. I suddenly understood them in a new light, and I felt powerful! I am in charge of my life! Nobody else is! I get to create it just how I want it to be, and I'm starting now! I can't possibly describe just how deep and poignant those feelings were for me; suffice it to say that is was an Aha! moment for me that changed my whole perspective. Ever since then, whenever I start feeling frustrated about how things are going, I have been taking a step back and saying to myself, "Wait a minute. If I don't like it, I am the one who needs to change it. What is my story going to say about how I chose to live this day of my life? I'm not just going to sit back and wait for things to change by themselves or for someone else to come in and save the day for me. " What a victim mentality that is! And unfortunately, that is the mentality that I have unknowingly operated under for the past 30+ years of my life. But I'm done! I am now creating the life I want to have in the future by taking charge of today. I am creating myself into a joyful person, a loving mother, a supportive wife, a successful business owner, and a woman who loves herself and treats herself like a queen. I know that a priceless creation like this takes a lot of work and a lot of patience, so I'm just taking things one day at a time. And when that fear starts to creep in, I stop and remind myself that I get to choose. I don't have to be afraid of anyone or anything anymore because I choose how I will meet any given scenario. I am in charge of my life. And I am powerful. And I am done being afraid.

I am the one who writes my own story. And what a story it will be!

Health Coaching Session 3

Last weekend my family and I went on a camping trip, and unfortunately my body thinks vacation = binge time. As a result, I ate a ton of junk food and arrived at my latest health coaching session weighing the same as I did when I first started the health coaching sessions: 154. Thankfully I didn't feel too discouraged due to my success since the last session: I was able to cut dairy completely out of my diet for a week, and I saw big changes in how I felt both physically and emotionally. Some things that I attributed to wheat sensitivity, like the bloated feeling I often have, was significantly improved just from cutting out the dairy. And my mood improved tremendously as well. It was enough of a difference that I have been able to stay away from ice cream and pizza completely, which were my two biggest weaknesses when it comes to dairy, and I have even avoided the little things like buttering my toast. So that change, combined with the food journal I kept to track how I felt, proved to be very successful.

After today's session, I am now moving forward and working on "crowding out" wheat products. My very wise health coach (aka yours truly) talked about the benefits of crowding out the bad by adding in more of the good to your diet rather than trying to go cold turkey with something, especially when it is a staple in your diet. So rather than telling myself I'm not allowed to eat any wheat, my assignment this week is to create some meal plans that don't include wheat (which I did in my health coaching session) and then buy the ingredients for those things as well as some good snack options that also don't contain wheat. That way I'll have plenty of good stuff around to eat before pulling out a wheat product.

One of my assignments from last session was to meditate for at least 5 minutes daily. I did a pretty good job with that for the first few days, but then it all went out the window when I started getting ready for the camping trip. So I'm going to add that back in this week as well. I also am going to work on being present and on telling myself that I love me every single day. All of these should help eliminate the need for emotional eating.

I am really optimistic about how things are going. My eating has improved tremendously since starting my health coaching, as has my mood. I feel like I'm in a good place right now.

Health Coaching - Session 2

Yesterday I had my second health coaching session with myself. It was a few days later than scheduled because of how crazy our last week of summer break was, but I actually think I will be better able to focus on my goals for the next 1 1/2 weeks now that 3 of my 4 kids are in school all day.

I do feel like I've been doing better these past two weeks. My eating hasn't changed considerably, but I haven't had as many cravings nor have I felt the need to binge (until today). And I ended up losing about a pound just from focusing on strengthening my relationship with God through scripture study and taking time for myself every day. And while I'm still really struggling to feel happy, I have been doing better mood-wise than I was before my health coaching session. So I'm seeing progress! Hooray! I have to remind myself when I am not seeing the results I was hoping for that I'm just taking this one step at a time. Even a little progress is still progress.

In yesterday's session, I decided that I need to make my marriage more of a priority. As I was thinking about all of the other things that I've been wanting to change or focus on about my life and particularly my diet, it occurred to me that maybe what's at the root of all of the issues I've been having lately is my struggling marriage. So for now I'm going to focus on showing my husband more gratitude, on sending him at least one message every day thanking him for something or letting him know something I appreciate about him.

I am also going to make it a priority to do a relaxation meditation for at least 5 minutes every day. I have been so stressed lately, and I can feel it in my neck and shoulders. I need to teach my body how to relax rather than holding all of that tension in. So I'm going to spend a few minutes focusing on relaxing each muscle in my body on a daily basis.

I also have decided to take a week off of dairy, which accounts for the binging I did at lunchtime today. I was afraid of feeling deprived by not being able to eat pizza and ice cream, so I went and bought a pizza for lunch today, along with some dessert bread sticks. I then proceeded to eat 3 or 4 pieces of pizza followed by several bread sticks. I will say, however, that I stopped much sooner than I would have in the past. So I still consider it progress. Also, the reason I'm going to cut out dairy is because my stomach has been bothering me so much lately, and I'm inclined to think that it's due at least in part to my dairy consumption. So I have high hopes that I will feel so much better once I've removed the dairy from my diet that I won't have any desire for it anymore.

Finally I'm going to keep a food journal for a while, just writing down what I ate, at what time, and how I felt throughout the day. I'm hoping it will be very eye-opening.

There are other things I "talked" about during my health coaching session, such as drinking more water. I would like to do better with that, but for now the emphasis is on my marriage and on meditation. Even the dairy and the food journal are going to take a back burner to those if need be.

My next health coaching session is only 1 1/2 weeks away. I'm excited to see what these next few days bring.

Todays stats:

body fat: (I actually forgot to check this today)

weight: 152.6 lbs

P. S. I pulled my goals sheet out of my binder and hung it in my closet where I can read it every day. What's the point of setting goals if I can't even remember what they are?

Health Coaching - Session 1

Wow! What a powerful experience this is turning out to be! I am really working to delve into what I as a client need most instead of trying to follow some generic outline that tells me what to talk about and what to recommend. What I really need most right now is help decreasing my stress level and learning to enjoy life. So this session's recommendations for me are to make time for my top two priorities (God and myself) every single day and to increase fruit and vegetable intake since I know good nutrition is a natural mood enhancer. I didn't do any specifics for this one because I really think the focus needs to be on relieving stress.

I had also created goals for this session, but after analyzing my needs and desires, I completely rewrote them to reflect my priorities. 

I am so excited about doing this! I don't want to have to wait a whole two weeks to have another session! I know that sounds silly since the session is just with myself, but this experience is giving me the opportunity to step back and look at my life from an outside viewpoint, and it's already helped me gain so much insight into myself. I foresee great things resulting from this. I'm already seeing improvements in myself, and I am feeling more confident in my abilities as a health coach as well.

Health Coaching 101

Does this health coaching thing really work? Can people really be helped by meeting with someone twice a month for 6 months to talk about their health? Well, I'm going to find out. While in theory I believe this is a good program, I can't in all honesty say that I have a testimony of it because I've never tried it for myself. But now I find myself about 40 pounds heavier than I was a year ago and not exactly looking the part of a health coach. So now is the perfect opportunity for me to test this theory. I'm going to be my own health coach for the next 6 months as I work to get into shape again. I'm going to give myself recommendations and then "meet" with myself every 2 weeks to review how I'm doing with those recommendations. I'm going to see if this really works.

As I go through this process, I'm going to really examine what works and what doesn't work in my program and start tweaking it where necessary. I feel confident that by the end of the 6 months I will not only be a happier, healthier individual but also I will have a solid health coaching plan that I believe in and that I know will be effective for those who come to me for help.

Today I am going to do a health history consultation on myself. I will report back as I go through this process, recognizing that there will likely be backslides now and then and the occasional binge here and there. But that's life. And that's going to happen. And I'm still going to be successful, even with my imperfections.

Todays stats:

body fat: 38.3%

weight: 153.8 lbs

I actually don't care so much about weight, but since % body fat is more difficult to measure on a regular basis (at least with any accuracy), I will include my weight to help gauge progress.