Milestones

Warning: This is likely not going to be a happy, feel-good blog post. I'm not in a very good place right now. I turned 39 years old at the beginning of this week, but it's not my age that is bothering me. It's where I am right now vs. where I want to be that's bothering me. Birthdays are typically considered milestones by which we measure our progress in life. But what is a milestone really? Is it just an event or date that marks the passage of time? Or is it an event that indicates something achieved or gained? If the answer is A, then turning 39 was certainly a milestone for me. If you consider B as a more fitting description of what a milestone really is, then I don't know that I can say this birthday was a milestone. As I look back over the year, I certainly have accomplished some things, such as finishing my online health coaching program and becoming a certified holistic health coach, becoming a certified Chi Running instructor, and running my first RAGNAR. But the deeper, more personal goals went unachieved, like improved health, spiritual progression, and increased emotional strength. What is on my mind the most lately is the lack of improvement in my health. Not only did I not achieve the desired goals in my body composition and overall fitness but I instead managed to add more than 30 pounds to my body over the course of the year. I believe, though, that this would not be bothering me quite so much if I were not in such a low place spiritually and emotionally. It's really amazing to me how low I've fallen in so many ways in just one year.

So now I have two choices: I can either wallow in my mediocrity and lack of progress, feeling sorry for myself and giving up because it's "obviously" too hard for me; or I can get back on my feet and keep moving forward, recognizing that I'm not a failure as long as I keep trying. I think I'll go with option B. I have way too many years left to give up on myself already.

On second thought, this birthday is a milestone for me after all. It's the year I decided to move forward and never look back.

I'm the One Who Writes My Own Story aka Time to Stop Being a Victim!

A few mornings ago I woke up with the words to a song from an old LDS play going through my head: "I'm the one who writes my own story. I decide the person I'll be." I've heard the song many times before and even pondered the meaning of those words, but for some reason they really struck me as I woke up that morning. I suddenly understood them in a new light, and I felt powerful! I am in charge of my life! Nobody else is! I get to create it just how I want it to be, and I'm starting now! I can't possibly describe just how deep and poignant those feelings were for me; suffice it to say that is was an Aha! moment for me that changed my whole perspective. Ever since then, whenever I start feeling frustrated about how things are going, I have been taking a step back and saying to myself, "Wait a minute. If I don't like it, I am the one who needs to change it. What is my story going to say about how I chose to live this day of my life? I'm not just going to sit back and wait for things to change by themselves or for someone else to come in and save the day for me. " What a victim mentality that is! And unfortunately, that is the mentality that I have unknowingly operated under for the past 30+ years of my life. But I'm done! I am now creating the life I want to have in the future by taking charge of today. I am creating myself into a joyful person, a loving mother, a supportive wife, a successful business owner, and a woman who loves herself and treats herself like a queen. I know that a priceless creation like this takes a lot of work and a lot of patience, so I'm just taking things one day at a time. And when that fear starts to creep in, I stop and remind myself that I get to choose. I don't have to be afraid of anyone or anything anymore because I choose how I will meet any given scenario. I am in charge of my life. And I am powerful. And I am done being afraid.

I am the one who writes my own story. And what a story it will be!

Health Coaching Session 3

Last weekend my family and I went on a camping trip, and unfortunately my body thinks vacation = binge time. As a result, I ate a ton of junk food and arrived at my latest health coaching session weighing the same as I did when I first started the health coaching sessions: 154. Thankfully I didn't feel too discouraged due to my success since the last session: I was able to cut dairy completely out of my diet for a week, and I saw big changes in how I felt both physically and emotionally. Some things that I attributed to wheat sensitivity, like the bloated feeling I often have, was significantly improved just from cutting out the dairy. And my mood improved tremendously as well. It was enough of a difference that I have been able to stay away from ice cream and pizza completely, which were my two biggest weaknesses when it comes to dairy, and I have even avoided the little things like buttering my toast. So that change, combined with the food journal I kept to track how I felt, proved to be very successful.

After today's session, I am now moving forward and working on "crowding out" wheat products. My very wise health coach (aka yours truly) talked about the benefits of crowding out the bad by adding in more of the good to your diet rather than trying to go cold turkey with something, especially when it is a staple in your diet. So rather than telling myself I'm not allowed to eat any wheat, my assignment this week is to create some meal plans that don't include wheat (which I did in my health coaching session) and then buy the ingredients for those things as well as some good snack options that also don't contain wheat. That way I'll have plenty of good stuff around to eat before pulling out a wheat product.

One of my assignments from last session was to meditate for at least 5 minutes daily. I did a pretty good job with that for the first few days, but then it all went out the window when I started getting ready for the camping trip. So I'm going to add that back in this week as well. I also am going to work on being present and on telling myself that I love me every single day. All of these should help eliminate the need for emotional eating.

I am really optimistic about how things are going. My eating has improved tremendously since starting my health coaching, as has my mood. I feel like I'm in a good place right now.