Warning: This is likely not going to be a happy, feel-good blog post. I'm not in a very good place right now. I turned 39 years old at the beginning of this week, but it's not my age that is bothering me. It's where I am right now vs. where I want to be that's bothering me. Birthdays are typically considered milestones by which we measure our progress in life. But what is a milestone really? Is it just an event or date that marks the passage of time? Or is it an event that indicates something achieved or gained? If the answer is A, then turning 39 was certainly a milestone for me. If you consider B as a more fitting description of what a milestone really is, then I don't know that I can say this birthday was a milestone. As I look back over the year, I certainly have accomplished some things, such as finishing my online health coaching program and becoming a certified holistic health coach, becoming a certified Chi Running instructor, and running my first RAGNAR. But the deeper, more personal goals went unachieved, like improved health, spiritual progression, and increased emotional strength. What is on my mind the most lately is the lack of improvement in my health. Not only did I not achieve the desired goals in my body composition and overall fitness but I instead managed to add more than 30 pounds to my body over the course of the year. I believe, though, that this would not be bothering me quite so much if I were not in such a low place spiritually and emotionally. It's really amazing to me how low I've fallen in so many ways in just one year.
So now I have two choices: I can either wallow in my mediocrity and lack of progress, feeling sorry for myself and giving up because it's "obviously" too hard for me; or I can get back on my feet and keep moving forward, recognizing that I'm not a failure as long as I keep trying. I think I'll go with option B. I have way too many years left to give up on myself already.
On second thought, this birthday is a milestone for me after all. It's the year I decided to move forward and never look back.
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