False Starts

Here I am, at the brink of another lofty plan to achieve the fitness I've been striving for all year--all my life, really. I always get so excited when I start out with whatever new scheme I have come up with (usually in combination with my twin); but then after a few weeks or a month, or sometimes just a few days, I fizzle and lose motivation and give up. I hate to call it that, but if I'm going to be completely honest with myself, that's what I'm really doing. And the reason for my giving up so soon is usually that I'm not seeing results, or at least not the results I want to see. You know, I always see those before-and-after pics of the 0.1 percent of the population that, for whatever reason--maybe good genes or a complete overhaul of their diet or both--achieved miraculous results with their exercise program; and I of course expect to see results like that in myself. So when a few days or weeks pass and I've seen little if any improvement--or worse, I've actually gained weight--I get so discouraged because I know there is no way I'm going to be the next miracle story. So I give up.
Tomorrow I am going to again start doing the P90x workouts. I've started 2 or 3 times but have never seen it through to the end. So I have to ask myself if this time is going to end up like the other times, or if I've built up enough motivation and determination and whatever else it takes to actually stick it out until the end. I do feel more optimistic about this start, but I would be lying if I didn't admit to having at least a little bit of fear of everything ending up the same way. I feel like I have several things that offer me extra help this time, though.
1. Several weeks ago I had an epiphany in which I realized that I was meant for far greater things than merely becoming a professional triathlete. Mainly I feel that my time will be better spent loving and serving others. Since this goes right along with the business my twin sis and I are starting that will include coaching and counseling people who are struggling with their health and/or fitness, I feel so much more inspired than I ever did before to stay strong so I can more effectively help other people.
2. My husband has suddenly and unexpectedly gotten on board with me nutrition-wise. We watched Forks Over Knives together last night, which is a fantastic documentary about research done that shows how much better eating plant-based foods is for you than eating animal-based foods, and he responded very positively to it, to the point that I feel confident that I will no longer have to prepare myself a separate meal from whatever I prepare for my family every night. That will be huge because I am certain that nutrition is even more important than exercise is when it comes to slimming down and achieving overall health and fitness.
3. I am going to be adding a new nutrition product created by Beach Body called Shakeology that I think will really benefit my training. Shakeology is basically a protein drink, but it has an extremely impressive list of ingredients that you never find in a protein drink, and if they are even half as careful as they say they are about verifying the source and quality of the ingredients going into the Shakeology, I really feel confident and excited that this will serve me well. I feel so optimistic about it, in fact, that I've signed up to be a Beach Body coach and will be offering their product to others after I have had some time to try it out myself and be sure it is what it claims to be.
4. I have been praying and fasting that I will be able to finally understand my self-worth, that I will be able to see myself the way God sees me--that is, to see all the wonderful things about myself and to feel the love that God has for me. While I still have a ways to go, my self-confidence and ability to accept that I am valued, valuable, and worthy of love are growing every single day. And with that new self-assurance comes greater confidence and faith that I CAN stick with this, even through the hard days, that God WILL help me, and that I WILL see results by the end of the 90 days.
5. I am not putting unrealistic expectations on myself this time. I'm not expecting to win any contests with my progress by the end, and I'm not expecting to release some huge amount of weight or body fat. I'm just loving my body and helping it to be its best self.
So, am I excited and optimistic about this new journey? Yes I am! Do I feel 100% confident that I will succeed rather than dropping out part way through? Well, no, but I feel about 90% confident that I will, and my faith is growing every day. Before long I will absolutely be able to say with 100% certainty, I can do this! I WILL do this! Bring it, Tony!