New Beginnings and Not-So-New Setbacks

Today is January 3rd, a few days into the start of a new year and new resolutions to do better. One of my resolutions for this year, of course, has to do with health. I want to have a flat stomach by the end of the year. I'm definining that as a 28-inch waist for lack of a better way to objectify it. At the moment I have about a 39.5-inch waist. So that means I need to shrink by about 1 inch per month to get to my goal. Since I've never paid much attention to how long it takes to lose inches, I don't really know how realistic that is. So this could be a great opportunity to move forward with no limiting belief about the achievability of my goal. But instead I've done nothing but doubt since day one of figuring out how many inches I really have to lose. "1 inch a month???" my subconscious asks. "No way am I going to do that!" And that has inevitably been followed by the anxiety and the fear and then the self-sabotage. Three days into my workout and I'm already in self-sabotage mode! Obviously working out daily is not going to be sufficient for me to succeed. I am going to have to deal with the emotional side of things as well, or I am going to crash and burn in the first week, just like so many people do with their New Year's resolutions.

Dieter F. Uchtdorf says, "Doubt your doubts, not your faith." Instead of dwelling on all the reasons why I think it can't be done, I want to be focusing on the infinite possibilities that this year brings. Instead of focusing on the road blocks, I want to focus on the opportunity for growth this presents me. Yes, I'm afraid. Yes, part of me is certain I will fail. But part of me is also excited to see what I will accomplish as a result of this goal--not just in terms of a flat stomach but also in terms of learning to love myself and learning to trust myself. The real goal here isn't to reach the number 28. The real goal is to keep trying, to never give up on my goals or myself, even if I backslide occasionally (like I did last night). What if I only make it down to 35 inches by the end of the year? I will still be better off than I was the previous year. But I'm not going to only make it to 35 inches. I'm going to continue tracking my progress and adjust my approach accordingly. That's one big thing that's going to be different this year: If my strategy isn't working, I am going to change it. Instead of choosing a strategy and sticking with it no matter what, like a hamster in a wheel that's not really getting anywhere, I'm going to evaluate my progress often and make changes mid-course as needed to ensure that I continue making progress.

As I think about it, this year isn't just about having a flat stomach or building my confidence as a health coach or serving more people (my goals for the year). It's about learning how to set--and accomplish--goals, it's about learning to love and trust myself, and it's about finding joy in the journey.

Life Lessons

I just learned this morning that the Gold Medal Schools program that I have been involved in, a state-run program intended to help schools establish healthy habits, is being shut down this year and that they don't have enough money to pay the school coordinators (that would be me) the stipend we were supposed to received: $500 now and $500 at the end of the year provided we have helped the school meet all of the requirements. I of course feel disappointed, especially since it's Christmas and I kind of went overboard buying presents in anticipation of getting that money. But I don't feel crushed or panicked or anything of the sort. Part of that is because I'm trying to approach it with the attitude of "What am I to learn from this?" Another part is because we are doing okay financially. My husband makes a good income, good enough to allow me to be a stay-at-home mom, good enough to allow me to pursue my passions such as running, triathlon, coaching, and playing with my kids, good enough that even when I overspend on Christmas presents, we will still be okay. So perhaps one of the things I am meant to realize from this is how very blessed I am. I'm so grateful for the abundance of blessings in my life. I'm grateful for my wonderful husband and my wonderful children. I'm grateful that we are all healthy. I'm grateful for my body. And I'm grateful to have been a part of helping the students at my kids' school make better choices.

Perhaps another thing I am to learn is that serving others is a joy. I have enjoyed being a part of this program at the school, getting to know the students better, putting together assemblies and other things to help the kids learn good habits, and being an active part of the school. And with or without the money, I am still excited to be a part of that. Maybe now that money isn't even involved for me, I can move forward with fewer inhibitions and allow myself to be led by my heart and by the internal motivation that is already there to help children and families. That's what I need to do with all of my coaching--just let go of the money stress. While it's nice to earn money and I do believe people will gain more when they pay for my services, the reason I am doing this is not just to get money. It is because I truly love what I do, and I want to help families be healthier and happier. So maybe the main lesson for me is that it's not about the money. It's about gratitude and blessings and service and love. And I'm going to be okay.

Patience

Impatience is always what gets me when working toward a goal, especially a health goal. I get so gung-ho and put all of my energy and excitement into something, such as a new workout plan or a new eating plan, excited and confident that the hoped-for weight loss will happen quickly. But it almost never does happen quickly, at least not quickly enough for my taste. I typically get about 2 weeks into the program before my excitement starts to fizzle because I'm seeing little to know change in my weight or body size, and pretty soon I drop it all together, discouraged and disgusted with myself for being so weak.

What I need to remember and really believe is that it really is going to happen, but not quickly and not all at once--at least as long as I'm doing it the right way. The right way means eating in a way that is healthful and sustainable over the long term, not just some temporary trick to lose a quick 10 pounds. I have beat up my body so much over the years that it's going to take time and the proper foods for it to heal and repair itself. I need to remember that when I'm not seeing the number on the scale go down. All of my healthy eating is making a difference, but I won't necessarily see all that's going on inside my body in this process of change and healing, and the scale is not going to show that either.

For the past couple of weeks I have been doing the Insanity workouts, which are, well, insane. I have lost so much fitness over the last year that I'm to the point right now that I sometimes will do just the warm-up, which is about 15 minutes long, then turn it off and be done, having sweated and gotten my heart rate way up just from that. Now to be fair, the warm-up on those is pretty intense. And right now it's enough to give me sore muscles and leave me feeling exhausted. Once again, though, it's about the baby steps. It won't be long before I can do the entire workout and feel good by the end. Or maybe it will be a long time before I get there. But the point is I WILL get there eventually, just as long as I don't give up. I've got to be patient with myself, and if the scale only shows .2 pounds lost, or even that I've gone up since the day before, I need to be okay with that, recognizing that all of that healing is still taking place that I can't yet see. I WILL reach my goal, even if at times it seems I'm making no progress at all. I just can't quit!